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Live is Evil: 4/20/2002
After several problems arose in finding a location to hold the next BWF, the federation once again settled to film Saturday Night: Live is Evil in the Beck's basement. Fortunately for the BWF, more than 7 characters showed up for this event. As is almost customary for the BWF, the show started out with a public service announcement. King El Boriso's music blared over the sound system, and both the King and owner Erik Ferguson made their way to the ring.
The owner found a microphone and began to preach, "Alright, well since the draft idea worked so well last time, the BWF still has to follow it's usual schedule of events. In addition, I recall being struck in the head with some sort of object just before Saturday Night Live is Evil went of the air, and since we cancelled the draft, I don't have Pole Man to act as my bodyguard. So, I'm forced to employ you, King El Boriso, as my official bodyguard for the night. Based on your success as my corporate screw up in the past, I want you to make sure no one gets within ten feet of my tonight."
King El Boriso then approached the owner, "Ferg, you know that when you give King El Boriso a job, it's always done well. But while we're on the subject, you're going to give me a title shot tonight if you want to be sure that I don't "miss" anyone that might take a shot at you. So what do you say, Ferg? Do I get a title shot? Or do I make a 'mistake'?"
"You'll probably make a mistake anyway."
"Title shot, or another concussion?"
"Whatever. Fight Daddy Phat Sackz for the title. I don'tcare."
Suddenly, the words, "I'm a Pimp" came blasting over the basement's sound system, as Daddy Phat Sackz and Big Hard Beck made their way to the ring. The Pimp of the Nation didn't seem too thrilled about the events that had just taken place. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said, "you see, since I'm the Pee-imp of the Nation, you can't just make the rules for me. "King" El Boriso, the king of idiots, hasn't done anything to... deserve... a shot at me."
"No, actually, I think you'll just fight Boriso for the title," Ferg said.
"Hey! I had to defend my title last time against Zutter. I deserve a night off from defending the title. So, here's how we're gonna do this. Tonight, in this very ring, me and the Big Hard Beck are going to take the two of you on in a hardcore tag team match!"
Boris then stepped in, "Wait a minute... you want to take on the owner of the federation, and me? I mean, you might have a chance against me, but the both of us? Ok, that's fine. But, allow me to add a stipulation. If I pin you, I get a title shot at the next Live is Evil."
Suddenly, Beck grabbed the microphone, "Boris, I had to put up with your crap when you were my tag partner, and I had to put up with your crap when you were in the Sexiest Men in Wrestling. Tonight, in our tag match, if I pin you, I get a title shot against Daddy Phat Sackz."
Boring Belt Championship:
With that, the combatants seemed content, and eventually left the ring to prepare for their match. Strobe lights started flashing like crazy as the Doughboy Avenger made his way to the ring. Tonight, he was to take on the Gavinator in a match to see who would become the Boring Belt champion. The Gavinator came out with a t-shirt with "Fat Boy, Inc" written on the front and a ladder. Immediately, the Doughboy Avenger ran out to grab the ladder and take it from the Gavinator. However, the Gavinator used his cat like reflexes to skip out of the way and cause the Avenger to trip over a power cord and fall over. The Gavinator then began beating on the Avenger with his ladder repeatedly. Beaten and broken, the Doughboy Avenger could do nothing but submit to the mercy of the Gavinator, who began using his trademark Hip Flexor. It appeared as if the match would end prematurely, but the Doughboy Avenger somehow managed to muster enough energy to pull out the Gavinator's feet.
With the Gavinator down, the Doughboy Avenger grabbed his mascot, the Doughboy. He seemed to draw power from the figurine, and rose to his feet, prepared for battle. He quickly threw the Gavinator into the wall, and began beating on him, and threw him to the ground. He began using his "That's 1, That's 2, That's 3... and one more for the road" elbow drops. He attempted a pin, but only got a two count. The Gavinator slowly rose to his feet and the Avenger attempted to use a suplex on him, when the Gavinator reversed it into the Phatty Blunt! However, instead of going for the pin, the Gavinator made his way outside the ring and grabbed the ladder. As the Doughboy Avenger was rising to his feet, Gavin wound up to hit him. The Doughboy Avenger dodged the attack, kicked the Gavinator, pounded him into the ground with a DDT and slapped on the Doughboy Plunger. The Gavinator submitted, proving once again that honesty can still triumph over hardcore cheaters. The Doughboy Avenger then exited the ring, elated with his Boring Belt championship.
Boring Belt #1 Contender:
In the second match of the nigh, a Boring Belt number one contender match, Zutter was set to take on the Italian Posse. However, just as the combatants were ready to mix it up, Bronco Fleabag made his way to the ring, riding a toy horse. Bronco, who already had bad blood with the Italian Posse, began yelling at him, telling him that he's sick of his easy matches. While the two went back and forth about how weak and puny Zutter was, and about how unworthy Zutter was of fighting anyone, Zutter used his Enziguri on the both of them and pinned them. He then went buck wild, dropping elbows and legs all over the Italian Posse and Bronco Fleabag. He finally was calmed down by the ref, and escorted out of the ring.
Random Match:
In a match of absolutely no consequence, Dog Killa took on Casa Nova. Having no moves, Dog Killa was forced to resort to utter violence, flinging Casa Nova around the ring and slamming his head off of various materials, including couches, televisions, and even a chair shaped like a hand. Casa Nova found it difficult to muster any sort of offence, as Dog Killa was relentless in his attack, almost to the point of mimmicking gang initiations. Casa Nova finally managed to feign injury, causing Dog Killa to attempt a pin that Casa Nova kicked out of, and quickly put the Killa into a headlock. From the headlock, Nova was able to maneuver Dog Killa into a variety of moves, ranging from a fisherman's suplex to the Casa Nova Kick. Just as Casa Nova was about to finish the former Thug Wrestling Federation star, Dog Killa used his finishing move, Pulling Out a Knife. Casa Nova wasn't sure if it was a joke or not, but BWF officials flocked to the ring to contain Dog Killa. The match ended with a disqualification, and Casa Nova was granted a victory, although the pain and suffering was probably not worth the benefit of winning, which was nothing.
#1 Contender Match: Finally, the big match was to take place. King El Boriso and Ferg made their way to the ring to take on the Sexiest Men in Wrestling. The match began with King El Boriso and Daddy Phat Sackz in the ring. The Pimp of the Nation was enraged, and stared Boris down. Boris, ever the honorable fighter, tagged in his partner and boss, Ferg. The crowd went insane with boos, to the point that El Boriso actually grabbed his crotch in response. Daddy Phat Sackz didn't seem to mind, as he began lighting Ferg up, throwing him to the ground and punching his head repeatedly. Ferg attempted to gain some sort of edge, but Daddy Phat Sackz simply used a DDT to quell his attempt. He then tagged in Beck, who continued with the same amount of energy, absolutely punishing Ferg, who begged for mercy. Beck then stood up and pointed at El Boriso, daring him to tag in. Boris reached out his hand for Ferg to tag, and stepped into the ring.
Beck attempted to use the same tactics against Boris, but the King was able to fend off the barage of punches long enough to wear Beck out. He then went to work on his former teammate, throwing him into the pole, and using throat chops to settle into a rhythm. Boris prevented Beck from tagging out and, while the ref was yelling at Daddy Phat Sackz, took Beck over near Ferg, who helped Boriso beat on him. Boris finally allowed Beck to tag out, throwing him over to Daddy Phat Sackz. The two rivals locked up inside the ring, and Boris gained an advantage, and managed to wear DPS down enough to use a choke slam on him! He then tagged in Ferg, who went to work on the Pimp of the Nation, using various moves such as the "butt bump", the "kind of like an elbow drop", and just plain old punches. After using these moves, Ferg helped DPS get up, and then "Ferged up" for his finishing move, the Ultra Combo. After 30-40 different punches, kicks, forearms, elbows, knees, and uppercuts, Daddy Phat Sackz fell to the ground, completely spent. Ferg went for the pin and got 1...2... and then Boris threw Ferg out of the pin. Ferg arose, saying, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT!?" Boris, recalling his own stipulation, pleaded with Ferg to let him pin the champion in order to gain a title shot. While the two argued, Beck speared Boris from the "top rope", used a double arm DDT on Ferg, and threw Daddy Phat Sackz on top of Boris to get the pin, and the win!
Beck then helped Daddy Phat Sackz up, and the two left the ring with arms raised, as Ferg arose, staring at Boris. Boris tried to plead his case, but Ferg just threw his hand into his face. "Boris, first, you screwed up my fight with Bronco Fleabag. Then, you couldn't win the title against Daddy Phat Sackz. Now, it's over." Boris began to tremble with fear.
"KING EL BORISO, SCREW YOU, YOU'RE FIRED!!!"
With that, the BWF logo flashed upon the screen, and Star Trek, The Next Generation came on. What will become of the BWF now? Who will protect Ferg? What will King El Boriso do? Who the hell has any hope of ever defeating the team of Daddy Phat Sackz and Big Hard Beck? Find out the answer to these questions and more on Saturday Night: Live is Evil next time!
Past Results:
March 23rd, 2002
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