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Boris Report
Greetings from my house, which is where, well, basically nothing happens as far as the BWF is concerned, although I do update the web page here. I'm excited for next week's Live is Evil, and after this week's, who couldn't be?
The township of Greentree is buzzing with excitement after last week's event, so excited, in fact, that the BWF has decided to hold its next event there, which will make this the 22nd straight time that the BWF has held its events in the township. We are looking foward to the action and satisfaction that follows the BWF everywhere it goes.
As far as last weeks events, the BWF is very happy. The first match of the night, which pitted Daddy Phat Sackz and Zutter in a Falls Count Nowhere match was very entertaining. The confusion on the part of both contestants was hardly planned, the wrestlers really had no clue as to what was going on. Indeed, the match went on for about 25 minutes, and the wrestlers did attempt to pin each other in a countless number of ways, but we would like to see this type of match elicit more creativity from the wrestlers, and hopefully get them to come up with new ways and places for the ref to tell them that pinning them there is against the rules.
The second match of the night was a first in BWF history. King El Boriso fought Scuzzy Bastard in a "Draft Removal" match. The matchup was very lopsided, as it should have been, with Boris (another one, not me) destroying Scuzzy Bastard to the point past recognition. Boris' hypocrisy still follows him as he complained about weapons seconds after using one. Scuzzy Bastard was able to win the match, which is a big victory for him, and, who knows, it may propel him out of the Hardcore race and into the Boring Belt race! I spoke with King El Boriso yesterday, and he is furious with his loss to Scuzzy Bastard, and feels his "creative development" may have been hindered.
The final match of the night pitted Pole Man, The Gavinator, and The Italian Posse in a triple threat match that really meant nothing. I spoke with Pole Man, and his friend, Dog Killa just after this match, and Pole Man was visibly upset with his performance, saying, "how da hiznell is me suppizosed to know that that ho be wearin' a jock strap? That straight up whack, yo". Pole Man, who was recalled from the Thug Wrestling Federation just recently, was also upset because his errant move, nailing the Gavinator in the crotch with a curtain rod, was his only attack of the match. Dog Killa, also from the TWF, added, "that ho best watch his ass cuz us TWF call ups ain't gon be push around like these bitches up in this whack league". While very animated, and quite frankly lude, crude, rude, and socially unacceptable, BWF management is very pleased with TWF's development, and it's certainly a step up from the development job the Pittsburgh Penguins do. Anyhow, the BWF is going to work on language skills with these two.
Obviously, the draft angle did not come off exactly as planned, since only 7 out of 22 wrestlers showed up. The BWF is confident that more wrestlers will show up, and if they do not, they will just make more smart-ass remarks about them until they do.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this edition of the Boris Report, and we look forward to seeing you at this week's events.
If you really don't get this, go here.
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